Due to copyright issues, assorted YouTube mishaps and a whole slew of Unintentional Metafuckery, we are able to showcase 1992’s Buffy The Vampire Slayer theatrical trailer, but not the must-be-seen-to-be-believed TV ad which was on the air that summer.

So, go check out this link…

… and then join esteemed web designer Matteo and I in our little chat.

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M: So. What do you make of it?

V: What do you make of it?

M: I saw the movie, but never tuned in for the show, and I know I’m the only one. In the TV ads Donald Sutherland doesn’t even exist. Were it released now, it would be hyped for months. It came off as just some dumb thing back then, because the Nineties were oh so serious, depressing, as Rourke would say.

V: You get some Sutherland in the theatrical trailer, but not a whole lot of him.

M: True. What you get is a lot of Luke Perry. But his name only pops up at the end. The TV ad goes like, “so, ok, this is just a regular 90210 episode with a couple vampires thrown in”…

M: (and that’s something they must have tried at some point)

M: … while the theatrical trailer is really keen to tell you “no, it’s a legitimate scary movie with Rutger Hauer, look, Donald Sutherland’s wearing a trenchcoat”.

V: Things the trailer is not telling you, part one: in a most bizarre turn of events, Hilary Swank - who plays Buffy’s lead bitch friend - would go on to become both the only Oscar winner ever featured in 90210 and the only Oscar winner to be fired from 90210.

V: Things the trailer is not telling you, part two: David Fucking Arquette turns into a vampire.

M: Is Buffy’s cheerleader outfit an homage to Bruce Lee’s yellow jumpsuit, way before Tarantino did it?

M: Did Rutger Hauer still have a manager at this point or just didn’t care anymore?

V: It went straight to video here. I seem to recall atrocious dubbing being involved.

Ah, the memories.

Joel Schumacher’s The Lost Boys is widely celebrated as two things: a piece of gaudy, yet coherent ’80s horror-lite, and a textbook example of sneaky (x) = homosexual lore.

Both things are true.

The trailer introduces baby-faced Corey Haim as the nominal hero of the picture (and he is, kinda), with an odd couple of sidekicks, while broody Jason Patric is placed in the victim/antagonist-in-training slot (and he is, definitely). Plus, the violence/humour switch is hit almost as much as it would come into play.

On the other hand, the dude who put nipples on the Batman suit was working overtime (this discussion reads like a bullet list of do’s and don’t-mind-if-I-do’s), but you can’t quite let yourself drown in the gayness here. The most spectacular pieces of scenery (such as the underground Art Déco hotel which serves as the clan’s home) are kept under wraps, too. Guess the power struggle within the family angle was a safe box office bet, unlike the look at me, I’m so cool one.

And you see really little of The Boys, but plenty of the final 20’. Talk about sending out mixed signals.

Great use of Echo & The Bunnymen’s “People Are Strange” version, though, just like in the credit sequence (which, seeing it here and now, makes me realize why I love my new home so much - it’s close to the infamous Viareggio boardwalk, aka Santa Carla minus the funhouse).